codeinewarrior:

me: hey can i have some money?

bank teller: do you have an account with us?

me: nah i just heard yall got money

(via jeveuxtarevanche)

guy:

yeah baby i am an ANIMAL in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day

(Source: guy, via notruthinbeauty)

unkhs:

I used to be like “I wonder what would happen if I set this thing on fire” and since then I’ve learned that more often than not the answer is “it’ll be on fire”

(Source: bauks, via vintagewhores)

basedheisenberg:

Being drunk does not excuse cheating.

Being drunk does not excuse rape.

Being drunk does not excuse being an asshole.

Being drunk does not excuse shitty and destructive behavior.

Being drunk is not an excuse.

Control yourself or don’t drink.

(via helainetieu)